One thing that has been bothering me is that I feel like I've been awarded something that I don't deserve. I know this sounds crazy, and I should be happy, but for some reason it just feels wrong to me, like it belonged to me before but not now.
At the beginning of the semester I was invited to be part of the Golden Key Honor Society, if any of you know it. And just last week I was invited to be part of an honor society on campus for my English major. Normally this would be a good thing, and my parents are proud of me for having good grades to get stuff like this, but this semester has been different for me and I don't feel like I'm living up to the old student that I was before that earned the grades to be excellent.
My grades are still fine right now, but I find it so hard to focus right now and I don't spend as much time studying as I probably should be. I squeeze by on all of my assignments (times wise) but still get good grades. I don't feel like the studious person I was before and it bothers me. I think I can get back to that person, I just feel like I have to get used to this world now, since my life is different than my previous semesters.
I'm happy that I've been given the chance to be a part of these prestigious groups, I just hope that I'll be able to live up to how they see me. I feel like I'm cheating the system right now, even though I know I'm really not. I've gotten a little better with my school work than I had been a few weeks ago, so I hope that I'll be continuing to make strides to be the student I was before. Time is all it takes.
I feel the same way sometimes. I was invited to do the Golden Key thing too, but I really don't think I deserve it. I slipped really bad before I transferred here, and I'm still working on it. It'll get better. I can see where you're coming from, though. It'll work out. :)
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