I'm happy :)

And I can't remember the last time I've actually said that.
Really, I don't know the last time I've said that or truly meant it and that worries me a little. I think I'm in a good place right now and I can admit that to myself, which is usually the hardest part. Usually I have to lie to myself, but right now I know I'm not. I'm content and I'm smiling. I feel like this is a tad unusual for me in the last couple of months. I've sort of been all over the place, but I can finally feel myself getting back to where I need to be.

My last paper for this class I wrote about compulsive exercising and I realized that I had a problem with that myself. It freaked me out because I never really thought about it as a problem. Exercising made me feel better about myself and it just became habit. I no longer felt like doing it for health reasons, I did it because I felt terrible if I didn't. I started eating less as well. I remember eating maybe once a day, exercising multiple times per day as well as play soccer at the end of the day. The only reason I ate was to give me some strength to run again. This was clearly not healthy. Soccer even lost its appeal to me. I didn't feel like playing, I was just already on the teams so I continued to play. It's sad to think that a sport I've played my entire life started to lose its meaning. But it happened.

This is just a little sneak into what happened to me with my exercising, but I'm honestly better. I still work out, but I do it because I want to again. I don't feel like I constantly have to, but I like to. I like to stay healthy and it still makes me feel good about myself. I eat because I'm hungry, not so that I can run again. In general, I feel better about myself. I'm proud that I'm feeling more confident in myself and getting out there and having fun. This last semester was hell for me and I am so thankful that I can officially say that it's over with and it's past me. I'm looking forward to next semester and all of my classes :) These past few months I haven't been as much of myself and it was visible in my school work and effort. I still did well, but I just knew it wasn't me.

I glad to be the person I am. I really am happy.