A Hidden Me?

I think probably some of you can relate to this, but after writing my sense of place essay, I feel like I've uncovered a part of myself that I didn't quite realize existed. I mean, I knew I felt this way to a certain extent, but I found it a little creepy to feel like I hadn't really known something about myself. What other gems lie beneath the surface of my skin? Should I make a cut and try to open up some sort of Shelly chamber of secrets (yes, I'm referencing Harry Potter, for any of you other obsessive hp fans out there)to unleash knowledge of myself, to myself? Probably not the best way to go about that, since I'm afraid of knives to begin with, but I'm getting off track. Sorry. My point is, I learned something about myself from writing this paper.

At first, I didn't like my paper and I just knew there was something wrong with it. I knew sort of what I wanted to say and get across, but I didn't do it in the way I really wanted. During workshop, from the help of my peer readers, we decided that I needed to make my paper more personal, with more examples or thoughts from me, instead of my more generalizing thoughts.

This got me thinking more about myself and how I actually felt about my sense of place; the soccer field. I changed a lot of the structure to my paper and I feel exceedingly better about the angle I took. I don't know how good of a paper it is, but I'm not as concerned about that right now because I'm still astonished at how I see myself a little differently.

I'm worried. Will I find out more stuff about me. Will it be unsettling? Will it be clarifying? Will it be destructing? Whatever it will be, I know it will be interesting to find out. I think everyone should have to write something like this because it gives them some insight into their lives that maybe they never realized before either. Who knows. But sometimes the scariest thing is discovering yourself and the things you try to keep oppressed inside of you. There comes a time when you need to confront your "hidden" self so that you can learn to live happily with who you are. You might find things you don't like and some that you do, but you can't run away from yourself forever. We do it all the time, trying to convince ourselves that we aren't a certain way, but what's the point of that? What good does it really do for ourselves and our growth? Ignorance is easy and satisfying. Don't ask don't tell.

Ask. Tell.