So, I am a single girl. Newly single that is. This post isn't going to be about how terrible I feel or my broken heart, but it is going to be about how I'm almost worried about myself.
My boyfriend broke up with me last Monday, almost a week ago, and ever since then I haven't been myself really. I'm extremely moody, I colored my hair, painted my nails black, work out almost every free chance I have, and hardly sleep. I stay up late, wake up early, and take long drives at night to clear my head. I dyed my hair so that I wouldn't be the same person that I was with him. I almost want to back away, disappear, so no one will notice me. I get angry and I work out to relieve my stress. One minute I'll be O.K. and the next I'll be all over the place.
This clearly isn't normal for me.
I know that it's going to take time for me to get over things and start to heal, but at the moment I feel nothing. I feel numb, like nothing means anything anymore. The worst part is that I thought having classes all day would help distract me, but they don't. I have to fight with myself to pay attention and focus on the lecture or discussion when I've never had this problem before. I generally love school and am excited to go to my classes. Especially this semester, I have a good schedule, and right now I feel that I'm not fully enjoying it.
I feel like I'm a different person. Like I couldn't deal with myself being the same, so I had to change. I honestly know that I'm not necessarily a fun person to be around right now and I don't exactly want to be. I guess I'm just worried about how long this "me" is going to stay around and if she is here to stay. I almost want to go away and start a new life, but I know that I can't do that. Right now, I'm just taking everything one day at a time. I know that everyone will say, "it just takes time, you'll be alright, you'll move on." But I'm more worried about losing myself in this and not being able to return. Something tells me I'm going to have to deal with myself this way for a while, but not forget the old me that I know I want to be.
Awww, I am sorry. I've been there. Don't go too long with feeling this way. If your feelings persist please seek some kind of help.
ReplyDeleteI fully understand where you are coming from. I've been there. It's hard. But eventually there will come a day when you can finally feel comfortable with you. Whether you keep your new look or go back to the old, you'll become a stronger person on the inside. Talk to those who are close to you. Someone who will just sit and listen when you're ready to open up. It does get better. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have been in that place as well and you are right, it is not a great place to be at. Especially when you are worried about classes and keeping up with everything else you have around your life. Sometimes you just need that time to yourself. Take a mini vacation, not a real vacation, but a vacation from friends and maybe even family. Do something you love to do. Go out to a movie, go shopping, grab a map and drive to the 1st place you point to. Something new and different might be what you need but make sure you remember who you are and who you WANT to be.
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