Dance

Every time I go to Archies in Davison I drive past my old dance studio. I think about it each time I'm out there and it makes me want to go back. I used to love to dance. I started dancing at age 4 and stopped after 6th grade. I always juggled soccer and dance, and I started playing on two travel soccer teams which meant giving up dance. I did it because soccer is more important to me, and I don't ever regret my decision, but right now I wish I could go back. I know I could, but honestly since I haven't danced in so long I think I would be behind and not make the group. I know I'd be able to do just fine in tap, since that was my strongest area anyway, but doing turns in ballet and toe would be my weakness, and I would need all skills to be able to do this. Plus the fact that I'm way too busy for hardly anything is also a problem. I know that I won't be going back to dancing, but sometimes I wish I could. I miss the studio and its strange beauty, where the floors have been worn down by many years of hard work from many dancers. I have a lot of memories from dance and I used to be good. I'm definitely glad that I did it so long when I was younger. And I would love to perform on stage again. There is something about the excited nervousness of opening night and making your way on stage, the lights so bright on your face, and the constant repetition of steps going on in your head. I remember before recitals or competitions I would practice my steps while sitting at my desk in class. It was natural for me. I would just go over them so much and it was almost something I couldn't stop. Tonight my desire to dance will have to be met by watching Step Up.

I went in to talk to a counselor the other day to figure out my class schedule and looking at the requirements for me to graduate, and I found out that I can graduate next May. Next May. I'm still having trouble comprehending it. It seems like it is coming up so soon already and it is a little scary. I know it's a year away, but that just seems so much sooner than I ever realized. I will be graduating a year early and then what? Do I stay in Flint and go for a masters? Do I try going to law school? What do I do? I know I have a year to figure this out... but if I want to go to law school right out of graduating from Flint then that would mean I would need to start preparing and looking at schools to go to and getting ready to take the LSAT in the fall. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I guess another possibility is to go for my masters in something to do with public administration maybe, then if I want to go to law school after I could do that. But I don't know if I want to stay in Flint or not. It just seems like there is a lot to think about right now and I don't know what to do exactly.

The Office Wedding

This kind of makes my life. No lie.

Marquette

This is a picture of me taking pictures in Marquette. I would love to go back this summer because it's so beautiful up there and it would be so much nicer to go when it's warm instead of in November. Even though it seems to be in the middle of nowhere, it's in a good way. The town was so cute and homey and then the water was breath-tacking (especially when i went for a morning run, nothing better). And there are tons of rocks. It's fun to go on mini-adventures and I hope I can do it again sometime.

School/life/future/ahhandexcitement

So this is a blog about the future. Coming up at the end of my sophomore year, I keep thinking about how these two years have gone by so fast and how the next will as well. And the thing about this is that I will be graduating early... so I don't even have two years to go in my undergraduate degree. I will be turning 20 in less than a month and that's even weird to think about. I will no longer be a teenager. I will be graduating before I'm 22, which is scary. And I'll be moving out in the fall. It seems as if I'm growing up. Not that I haven't been grown up, my dad has always said I've been mature for my age (although that doesn't mean I can't have fun and be silly), but it's like reality is hitting me and soon it will be my turn to take on the world, get a job, and start to build my own life.

I still don't know exactly what I want to do yet, but weirdly I'm not super worried about it. I have a feeling that it will come into place. I like that things are wide open right now and that I'm exploring a few different avenues. I'm planning on going for my masters no matter what, so that also buys me some time before I'm cut off from the security of school. It's kind of exciting to have possibilities of what I can do. I like the place I'm at right now, and I know things will come to change, but I believe that there will be good changes. Not all change is bad, and sometimes we need to embrace it.

One thing I would honestly love to do is just be able to read more. I feel so caught up in reading for school that it's difficult to find time to read on my own, even if there is a bit of time, I'm a tad worn out from the class reading. It's not necessarily that I would like to read just fictional novels, I would like to read history books and philosophy books, anything like that. Sometimes I think that would be amazing because I could learn so much information that I feel like I don't learn in school because there are only certain classes that I can take and there's only so much you can do. I have a full load right now and during the summer I work and go to school so there is really no free time there either.

I know I wrote about this before, but I still need to get on it: my photography. I'm hoping when summer comes around I'll be able to do more things and go outside with my friends and experiment in photo shoots, but I'd love to start taking pictures again. I have the camera I spent all of my money on, but I just don't have the time to really do much with it. I have some ideas for things I would like to do but I haven't had the chance yet. These are just some things I've been thinking of lately I guess... Too many things, so little time.

"He had come back into her life like a sudden flame, blazing, and streaming into her heart. "

The worries of a college student...

When I first started this blog it was for the purpose of a class and it was about my worries as a college student. Whereas I do believe that we have many things to worry about, I don't think that these worries should keep anyone from remembering to live. When I look back at some of the stuff I wrote before I know there were things that I was going through, and there still are, just different things. There are always going to be things that we worry about, but we can't let that get in our way from finding the light and trying to find something that makes us happy. Worrying is good to some extent, because if we didn't worry, then we wouldn't work as hard or care about things, but worrying too much can hinder our motivation and determination to do things. It's like stress. Stress can be a good thing because it makes us push harder  to accomplish something, but having too much stress can wear you down.

That's what I've learned, not to focus too much on worrying. It's not good to always be worrying about things because your  mind can never relax and be free. I think, though, that everyone needs to go through a difficult time in their life to see that there are challenges that we need to overcome, otherwise you won't appreciate life for the good things it does give you. There are always going to be people going against you, as well as those who go along with you and support you, but it's how you take in the criticisms and praises that determines the outcome. It is not as smart to just go by the criticisms or just the praises. Like with Aristotle's Golden mean, the desired outcome is between two extremes, which means you are weighing the options and considering the two extremes that you could be and go somewhere in the middle. Now, more than ever, I've faced people on one side and some on the other of many things in my life spanning from my schooling and job choices to my relationships with certain people. I'm learning to take those people into consideration, but not to console solely with either, to make a intelligent decision somewhere in-between.  Before I used to worry too much and live more through my worrying.  I don't want to do that anymore. I want to live first, and worry second.

What a beautiful day

Don't let life get you down

Things come and things go

There will be things that try

to stand in your way

But that's the way we grow

We need something to  push

us to our limits and beyond

We are all something special

We all find something that 

inspires us and gives us 

our niche in the world

There are people we find

along the way that we 

don't want to give up

As well as those we leave

along the road that will 

be a memory in the past

Never forget that we 

only live once

Dance in the rain

Go for your dreams

Be different, be amazing

Don't let anyone change 

your mind if it's not something

you want to do

You're the beat to your

own drum, don't forget

I'm my own person

Making my own decisions

Doing what's best for me

Don't settle, go for it

What a beautiful day
The weather doesn't have to be the only thing to make a day beautiful

 All this the world well knows; yet none knows well

To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell. 

William Shakespeare

I'm usually the one that says I have no regrets, but I've come to wish I had never done something. I think the reason why I feel so badly about it is because I feel disappointed in myself. I hate thinking about it because I don't know why I did it. It meant nothing to me and it only drew my thoughts closer to you... and now because I hurt you in some way, I feel even more guilty. I know I can't ever take it back and to me it doesn't ever feel like it happened, but no matter how I feel, you will always see things differently, and I understand that. I'm still bothered about things that you've done too, but I try to set it aside because there's nothing I can do about it and I don't want it to come between us now. It just bothers us to talk bout it and I want you to know that it's all in the past. I know this doesn't really change anything, but everything is done I never want it to be again. You have always been on my mind no matter how hard I tried to forget. I really did try, but just being in that situation made it worse. No matter what I tried to do, I think I realized afterward that it wouldn't help me forget you, because I never will. I'm sorry that it happened and I feel bad every time you mention it. Nothing good came out of it - except that it only made me want you back more. I never stopped loving you... that's why nothing was ever the same. You are unlike anyone else and I love that. No one is perfect and clearly I'm not. I hope someday you can forgive me. I'm so happy right now and this feeling with you is something I can't recreate with anyone else. I know I did something wrong and I'm just sorry that I let it happen.

I'm glad I'm here now though... I can't help where I've been, but I can help where I'm going.

Hey hey, what'd you say
You've been looking good today
Let's go around town and tell those guys that I'm taken

Smile like you mean it

And to go along with my last post, this is a picture that makes me smile. Colored vampire teeth are awesome! This was taken over the summer at huckleberry junction, so if you're looking for a good time, go there and play deal or no deal!

But sometimes I think we take for granted the things that make us smile until we lose it. We should always try and appreciate everything for what it's worth to us and tell those people how we feel. It's important and everyone likes to know that they make a difference in your life. Plus, smiling is fun, you don't want to lose that. Because once you have nothing to smile about, life starts to not have as many meaningful memories and good things to look back on and look forward to. Try not to look past the little things. Sometimes something as small as colored vampire teeth with someone can be just the thing to make you smile on a bad day. Just saying..

Smile

I've come to a realization. I write more when things are not going well in my life. If I'm upset, if I'm sad, if I'm depressed, you name it. I need a way to vent my feelings and I find that I can say what I feel more through words on paper or through here rather than telling someone. And that's just my point here. I haven't been writing as much lately. When I'm not as happy I'm usually at home, sitting around with nothing else to do but write about what's going on in my head, but right now... I am happy.
I'm busy doing stuff almost all hours of the day and having a great time, no longer needing to fill that void by writing out my sad emotions. I find myself living more in the present, out in the actual world, instead of through my pen and paper. I just need to remember to get back to writing more often about other things. It's so easy to ramble on and on when you're feeling angst, but now I don't have that aching to write as much since I don't have those feelings. And even though the mood of this sounds not as positive, it's most definitely a good thing. I'm just stating that I don't find myself writing on here as much because I used to have a lot more to write about when I was upset about things, but now I'm just happy, and I just want to live in the moment. I want to share my feelings, but also keep them inside some because they're kind of like my own little secret. Some things are too private and special to share with everyone. My happiness doesn't require writing to get my feelings out. People can tell from my mood that I'm happy and it's like stepping into some fresh air. I'm glad things are going well for me and I don't want to ruin it. I'm going to try writing more often though from now on. There are many other things for me to write about in the world, so I'll get on that as soon as I can.
And seeing as I love posting music.. for my mood here is the song and it makes me smile because sometimes you make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee... :)

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