Unfortunately I have stopped writing as much on my blog.. I know this is a requirement which makes it seem that much more substantial, but I've found an outlet that has taken me into it's pages and gotten feelings out that I can't display elsewhere. It's my journal.
I've found that I have so many thoughts running through my head and I always find myself wanting to write them down but I never seem to because I never had anywhere to put these pretty little thoughts. Well, they're not all pretty, so scratch that. Most of the things I'm feeling I can't really put on here, so I've found a mixture of emotions transcending from my mind, to my fingers, to pen, to paper. It makes me feel better to know that my thoughts don't just disappear. I don't know why, but I like to remember how I think and feel about certain situations.
My thoughts aren't exactly important to the rest of the world, but they're important to me in a way that I don't exactly understand. But it's a good way to document things that I otherwise cannot when it's only floating through my head. There are things I want people to know, things I want to do that are far fetched, things that scare me, things that excite me... basically it's just me, raw and uncovered in thing sheets of paper bound together in a book. There's something refreshing and relieving about being able to put your thoughts on something and knowing it's actually there. They are not just make believe strings of words coursing through my head, they're actual, literal thoughts, that may not be sane, but no less real.
It's a way for me to tell something, someone how I'm feeling, even if it's only myself that I'm telling. All I know is that it makes me feel better, but I forget that I still have to write on here. Oops =/
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Falling out
I'm worried about my friends. All of them, whether they play a big role or a small role in my life, or whether they are in my life now or they were in the past.
We all say and do some stupid things, but I still care about them in some way. There are a lot of changes happening in my life and I'm having difficulties, but my friends are always there for me, and I am always there for them. There are some that I may fall out of touch with, and maybe people can't accept that for the reasons why it really took place, but I still hope they are happy and make good decisions on their journey through life.
It's hard to stay respectful and just live and let live, but I try to be for the most part. I feel bad that I may have hurt this persons feelings, but I never was outright calling her self-centered or rude. There were things that we both did that were wrong, but I can see that and you think I'm just throwing it all away, when really it has been a battle for me to make you see that you were somewhat in the wrong too.
I don't throw away the things that really matter to me. And I didn't try to throw her out, I just had new things in my life and she became different as well. I think that's the hardest part for us to do, to admit that we were in the wrong too. I admit it, I was in the wrong at times, but not admitting that she was wrong too only makes me feel like I'm better. I don't need things that are bogging me down with unnecessary stress right now. If she was the friend that she says she is then she would know that. But I still want the best for her. I hope that she can make new friends and start to change how she interacts with her friends.
This happened because it had to. I want to move on with life, but not forget the fun times we did share together once. I wish the best for all my friends and hope that they can stay on the right path. Well I guess I actually want that for everyone, but that seems like too big of a wish. I know we're all going to have troubles in life, but stay true to your friends and we'll get through it.
We all say and do some stupid things, but I still care about them in some way. There are a lot of changes happening in my life and I'm having difficulties, but my friends are always there for me, and I am always there for them. There are some that I may fall out of touch with, and maybe people can't accept that for the reasons why it really took place, but I still hope they are happy and make good decisions on their journey through life.
It's hard to stay respectful and just live and let live, but I try to be for the most part. I feel bad that I may have hurt this persons feelings, but I never was outright calling her self-centered or rude. There were things that we both did that were wrong, but I can see that and you think I'm just throwing it all away, when really it has been a battle for me to make you see that you were somewhat in the wrong too.
I don't throw away the things that really matter to me. And I didn't try to throw her out, I just had new things in my life and she became different as well. I think that's the hardest part for us to do, to admit that we were in the wrong too. I admit it, I was in the wrong at times, but not admitting that she was wrong too only makes me feel like I'm better. I don't need things that are bogging me down with unnecessary stress right now. If she was the friend that she says she is then she would know that. But I still want the best for her. I hope that she can make new friends and start to change how she interacts with her friends.
This happened because it had to. I want to move on with life, but not forget the fun times we did share together once. I wish the best for all my friends and hope that they can stay on the right path. Well I guess I actually want that for everyone, but that seems like too big of a wish. I know we're all going to have troubles in life, but stay true to your friends and we'll get through it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Work
Right now I am busy with work. I work the entire weekend usually starting with Thursday night. I have worked at Playland Park for 6 years now. If any of you know it, it's the go-kart place on Dort Hwy.
Well right now is our busiest time of the year because we have a haunted house, Saint Lucifer's Asylum. This year actually, we created a second one, 13 Feet Under. I'm a manager there and I have long hours, but it has been great for me right now because I really have nothing else better to do and it's kind of been an escape for me because at least at work I have something to focus on and keep me busy. The only problem is there is only one more weekend for the haunted house and I'm looking to get another job. I want to keep busy still and have that repetitious work load that I'm getting right now, but I don't know where to work.
I was thinking of applying at Borders because I've honestly wanted to work there for a really long time. But at the moment, I'm not even worried that much at where I'm working, I just want somewhere to work where I know I can get some hours and work hard. If anyone has any ideas on which places are hiring please let me know! But I think this week I will start my job hunt. I need to find something else because I've been at Playland too long and things are starting to get to me. I think it's my time to move on, since I have worked there since I was 14.
I've always been working during school, so I'm used to the demands of both. I don't want to take work away because it will give me too much down time that I don't think I'll be able to handle and I won't have any money. I haven't depended on my parents as much for money, I mean for my spending money, since before high school, so I'm used to being independent in that sense. Wouldn't that be great to be able to move out of my house and live on my own... yeah that's going a little bit too far since I don't have that much money. Mostly all I need money for right now is gas since I hardly eat and I don't have any free time to shop or do anything else for the matter.
Oh well, I'm trying to just stay busy, so job, please find me soon.
Well right now is our busiest time of the year because we have a haunted house, Saint Lucifer's Asylum. This year actually, we created a second one, 13 Feet Under. I'm a manager there and I have long hours, but it has been great for me right now because I really have nothing else better to do and it's kind of been an escape for me because at least at work I have something to focus on and keep me busy. The only problem is there is only one more weekend for the haunted house and I'm looking to get another job. I want to keep busy still and have that repetitious work load that I'm getting right now, but I don't know where to work.
I was thinking of applying at Borders because I've honestly wanted to work there for a really long time. But at the moment, I'm not even worried that much at where I'm working, I just want somewhere to work where I know I can get some hours and work hard. If anyone has any ideas on which places are hiring please let me know! But I think this week I will start my job hunt. I need to find something else because I've been at Playland too long and things are starting to get to me. I think it's my time to move on, since I have worked there since I was 14.
I've always been working during school, so I'm used to the demands of both. I don't want to take work away because it will give me too much down time that I don't think I'll be able to handle and I won't have any money. I haven't depended on my parents as much for money, I mean for my spending money, since before high school, so I'm used to being independent in that sense. Wouldn't that be great to be able to move out of my house and live on my own... yeah that's going a little bit too far since I don't have that much money. Mostly all I need money for right now is gas since I hardly eat and I don't have any free time to shop or do anything else for the matter.
Oh well, I'm trying to just stay busy, so job, please find me soon.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Hole
So my worry for today would have to be that I have a hole in my pants. A very minuscule hole, but does it have the potential to grow bigger?
Let my go back, it is a hole on my ass. Yes. I wasn't feeling very well this morning so I put on sweatpants to come to school to be comfy. Right before I left I noticed that the hole was there and I debated changing. Since I'm tired and am not in the best health state I decided against going back in my room, taking off my shoes, putting on some jeans, then putting my shoes back on. I had a legitimate reason right?
I'm only at school for one class and then I'm going to go back home and attempt to work out, so I'll be able to change then. Here's hoping that no one notices that there is a hole on my butt. But honestly, they will be behind me so I won't know what they're saying anyway so it won't even matter. Plus, you'd be lucky to catch a glimpse ;) Yes, I'm completely kidding, don't worry.
But the one thing that does worry me is it getting bigger. I'm sure it won't, but I have that "what-if" in the back of my mind. How hilarious would that be for me to walk through the hallways with a big hole that you can see my butt cheek. I would like to think that I'd laugh along with them, and maybe I would since it is what it is, but I would be mortified at the same time.
This actually reminds me of a time in high school when my jeans ripped in my freshman year, and another time when I was going to a Crosby, Stills, and Nash concert. Both times I ripped my pants right under my butt, so there was a big spot on my leg that you could see. Thankfully, I did have sweatshirts that I could cover it up with. Since then this hasn't happened, so I'd like to not make it a third.
Let my go back, it is a hole on my ass. Yes. I wasn't feeling very well this morning so I put on sweatpants to come to school to be comfy. Right before I left I noticed that the hole was there and I debated changing. Since I'm tired and am not in the best health state I decided against going back in my room, taking off my shoes, putting on some jeans, then putting my shoes back on. I had a legitimate reason right?
I'm only at school for one class and then I'm going to go back home and attempt to work out, so I'll be able to change then. Here's hoping that no one notices that there is a hole on my butt. But honestly, they will be behind me so I won't know what they're saying anyway so it won't even matter. Plus, you'd be lucky to catch a glimpse ;) Yes, I'm completely kidding, don't worry.
But the one thing that does worry me is it getting bigger. I'm sure it won't, but I have that "what-if" in the back of my mind. How hilarious would that be for me to walk through the hallways with a big hole that you can see my butt cheek. I would like to think that I'd laugh along with them, and maybe I would since it is what it is, but I would be mortified at the same time.
This actually reminds me of a time in high school when my jeans ripped in my freshman year, and another time when I was going to a Crosby, Stills, and Nash concert. Both times I ripped my pants right under my butt, so there was a big spot on my leg that you could see. Thankfully, I did have sweatshirts that I could cover it up with. Since then this hasn't happened, so I'd like to not make it a third.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Book Review
Secrets of Her Past
Escape. If only she could tear free from the chains that restrict her at home. Not her home in Southport, North Carolina, but her previous residence. This is the story of Katie and her new life, trying to run away from her old one. The question in her mind is will her past be following her? Literally, following her, hunting her down?
Another story by Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven still includes the elements of his romantic love stories of two people who were destined to be together, with obstacles in the way; however, this one strays away from his usual sappy, tear-inducing love story. Safe Haven brings a different side of Sparks, the dark and mysterious side.
Katie is trying to fit into the small town of Southport, living a quiet, busy life, waitressing and fixing up her desolate house. She is sheltered and only wants someplace to make her feel safe.
Safe. That’s how Katie wants to feel and that’s how she describes Southport. It’s safe.
But what is it safe from? The reader is brought along on a journey to uncover the truth behind her sudden appearance in a town where everybody knows everything about everyone. No one knows anything about Katie; probably because Katie isn’t really Katie.
Changing her identity, “Katie” flees from Boston to liberate herself from the restrictive home she once knew. She used to think that she was safe there too, until the punches and bruises came.
In Southport Katie finds the companionship of two friends; Jo, her next-door neighbor, and Alex, a widowed store owner. She begins to feel comfortable and starts to let her guard down, as she becomes closer with Jo, confiding in her some of her past, and also with spending time with Alex and his two children. Alex knows she has a past that Katie is trying to evade, but he gets to know her for the person she is, not for what she was.
The story unwraps into a hunt for this girl. The past will not give up that easily on what was lost, and Katie’s ties with Alex and his family will come to be in danger. She wanted to disappear from his radar, but he found her, like he always said he would. The past is always with her, no matter where she goes.
Breaking free is the goal. The mystery of Katie’s past and why she can’t let go constantly makes the book difficult to put down. Suckling at the timidity and evasiveness that encompasses Katie, you don’t want to leave the world Sparks created until you know what is battling in the back of her mind. It’s a fairly quick and easy read, but it’ll keep you on the edge of your seat, always wanting to turn the page one more time before you stop reading.
If you’re looking for a traditional Sparks novel that makes you fall in love with the characters and the setting of the story you’ll find that, but in an unconventional way for him. He takes a step out with new elements of darkness and sadistic intrigue that will draw the reader into the pages. You’ll find yourself wrapped in Katie’s emotional struggle from an oppressed and punishing lifestyle to trying to find a normal, bland life where she can just be her, without interference.
The change was surprising, and some of his usual followers may not appreciate the different angle, but it was a successful change of how love can overcome even the darkest of secrets.
Escape. If only she could tear free from the chains that restrict her at home. Not her home in Southport, North Carolina, but her previous residence. This is the story of Katie and her new life, trying to run away from her old one. The question in her mind is will her past be following her? Literally, following her, hunting her down?
Another story by Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven still includes the elements of his romantic love stories of two people who were destined to be together, with obstacles in the way; however, this one strays away from his usual sappy, tear-inducing love story. Safe Haven brings a different side of Sparks, the dark and mysterious side.
Katie is trying to fit into the small town of Southport, living a quiet, busy life, waitressing and fixing up her desolate house. She is sheltered and only wants someplace to make her feel safe.
Safe. That’s how Katie wants to feel and that’s how she describes Southport. It’s safe.
But what is it safe from? The reader is brought along on a journey to uncover the truth behind her sudden appearance in a town where everybody knows everything about everyone. No one knows anything about Katie; probably because Katie isn’t really Katie.
Changing her identity, “Katie” flees from Boston to liberate herself from the restrictive home she once knew. She used to think that she was safe there too, until the punches and bruises came.
In Southport Katie finds the companionship of two friends; Jo, her next-door neighbor, and Alex, a widowed store owner. She begins to feel comfortable and starts to let her guard down, as she becomes closer with Jo, confiding in her some of her past, and also with spending time with Alex and his two children. Alex knows she has a past that Katie is trying to evade, but he gets to know her for the person she is, not for what she was.
The story unwraps into a hunt for this girl. The past will not give up that easily on what was lost, and Katie’s ties with Alex and his family will come to be in danger. She wanted to disappear from his radar, but he found her, like he always said he would. The past is always with her, no matter where she goes.
Breaking free is the goal. The mystery of Katie’s past and why she can’t let go constantly makes the book difficult to put down. Suckling at the timidity and evasiveness that encompasses Katie, you don’t want to leave the world Sparks created until you know what is battling in the back of her mind. It’s a fairly quick and easy read, but it’ll keep you on the edge of your seat, always wanting to turn the page one more time before you stop reading.
If you’re looking for a traditional Sparks novel that makes you fall in love with the characters and the setting of the story you’ll find that, but in an unconventional way for him. He takes a step out with new elements of darkness and sadistic intrigue that will draw the reader into the pages. You’ll find yourself wrapped in Katie’s emotional struggle from an oppressed and punishing lifestyle to trying to find a normal, bland life where she can just be her, without interference.
The change was surprising, and some of his usual followers may not appreciate the different angle, but it was a successful change of how love can overcome even the darkest of secrets.
Hello, that hurt.
Last night I had a soccer game and I was struck twice in my shin, leaving a big bruise and red marks.
And no, I don't wear shin guards. I can't find my old ones, and usually nothing that bad happens except for a few minor bruises here and there, so I just deal with it.
Well this morning I woke up and my shin hurts when I'm walking. Not excruciatingly, but I can feel it when I walk. I have a small bump on my leg, and this reminded me of my friend when he literally had a bump on his shin the size of a tennis ball. No joke.
I started to think about that and I'm just glad that I don't have a tennis ball sized bump on my leg. I'm glad I only have a minor injury, something that won't be hanging around for long. What I keep thinking of though is how he made me touch that large lump on his leg. My response was "Ewwww no!" But I did touch it. It didn't feel good. He took his injury a lot better than I did, since I was freaking out for him.
Another extremely minor injury that I think you might find amusing is that I hurt my finger. This isn't out of the norm, but I hurt it when I went to kick the ball. I cocked my leg back and some how my hand got in the way of my foot, so my cleats told it to back off by hitting my finger with my cleat. That did not feel good. But I did score on that shot, so it wasn't all that bad. I think it's funny though when I do something as stupid as that to hurt myself. I also cleated myself so many times once in a game on the inside of my ankle that I gave myself a bruise and torn skin, making it rub against my shoe when I ran which didn't feel pretty. This was my fault and no one else. Maybe I should be worried about my safety when I'm around myself. Wait, that's all the time. There's no way I can outrun myself. Oh well, I'll just have to come equipped with padding.
Please, no one be as dumb as me sometimes. Thank you.
And no, I don't wear shin guards. I can't find my old ones, and usually nothing that bad happens except for a few minor bruises here and there, so I just deal with it.
Well this morning I woke up and my shin hurts when I'm walking. Not excruciatingly, but I can feel it when I walk. I have a small bump on my leg, and this reminded me of my friend when he literally had a bump on his shin the size of a tennis ball. No joke.
I started to think about that and I'm just glad that I don't have a tennis ball sized bump on my leg. I'm glad I only have a minor injury, something that won't be hanging around for long. What I keep thinking of though is how he made me touch that large lump on his leg. My response was "Ewwww no!" But I did touch it. It didn't feel good. He took his injury a lot better than I did, since I was freaking out for him.
Another extremely minor injury that I think you might find amusing is that I hurt my finger. This isn't out of the norm, but I hurt it when I went to kick the ball. I cocked my leg back and some how my hand got in the way of my foot, so my cleats told it to back off by hitting my finger with my cleat. That did not feel good. But I did score on that shot, so it wasn't all that bad. I think it's funny though when I do something as stupid as that to hurt myself. I also cleated myself so many times once in a game on the inside of my ankle that I gave myself a bruise and torn skin, making it rub against my shoe when I ran which didn't feel pretty. This was my fault and no one else. Maybe I should be worried about my safety when I'm around myself. Wait, that's all the time. There's no way I can outrun myself. Oh well, I'll just have to come equipped with padding.
Please, no one be as dumb as me sometimes. Thank you.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Ta-Ta-Ta-Taylor
Ok, I have a legitimate question that I think some of you could understand where I'm coming from with this: has Taylor Swift really had that many boyfriends that she thought was the one or had her heart broken to write four minute songs about, and only being 21?
What brings this to mind is the release of her new CD coming out in a few days. I brought up my yahoo page to check my mail and I see a story about Taylor Swift and how they wonder if one of her new songs is bashing the maybe relationship between her and John Mayer.
The article goes into explaining what each song is about and how most of them are about guys. I'm not the biggest Swift fan, but I'm not going to lie when I say that I do like some of her songs. The stories behind the songs are usually cute and interesting, something that girls can relate to, but seriously, has she had that many relationships that have gone bad or has she just been making up that they're all about different guys.
I just find it amusing that a girl can have so many heart-wrenching loves before she can legally drink. I understand that we have flings, but her flings turn into her dreaming of an entire life with a guy in her new song "Mine" after he put his arm around her by the water. Everything else in the song was what she imagined their life could have been together. And then the next song is about Taylor Lautner, then some guy she met once in New York after an email they shared, and then to some other guy. Were they all that special? Just curious. They may have been, but it's something I think and wonder about.
I guess we're all different because there is only one person that I've truly felt a certain way for. I know I'm only 19, but compared to Swift, I've got a lot of catching up to do. Unfortunately, that won't be happening any time soon for me because I'm not that type of girl, but I would hate for me to be a guy she dated and have a bad song written about me.. just saying.
Can any of you relate to her numerous loves?
What brings this to mind is the release of her new CD coming out in a few days. I brought up my yahoo page to check my mail and I see a story about Taylor Swift and how they wonder if one of her new songs is bashing the maybe relationship between her and John Mayer.
The article goes into explaining what each song is about and how most of them are about guys. I'm not the biggest Swift fan, but I'm not going to lie when I say that I do like some of her songs. The stories behind the songs are usually cute and interesting, something that girls can relate to, but seriously, has she had that many relationships that have gone bad or has she just been making up that they're all about different guys.
I just find it amusing that a girl can have so many heart-wrenching loves before she can legally drink. I understand that we have flings, but her flings turn into her dreaming of an entire life with a guy in her new song "Mine" after he put his arm around her by the water. Everything else in the song was what she imagined their life could have been together. And then the next song is about Taylor Lautner, then some guy she met once in New York after an email they shared, and then to some other guy. Were they all that special? Just curious. They may have been, but it's something I think and wonder about.
I guess we're all different because there is only one person that I've truly felt a certain way for. I know I'm only 19, but compared to Swift, I've got a lot of catching up to do. Unfortunately, that won't be happening any time soon for me because I'm not that type of girl, but I would hate for me to be a guy she dated and have a bad song written about me.. just saying.
Can any of you relate to her numerous loves?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Do I deserve this?
One thing that has been bothering me is that I feel like I've been awarded something that I don't deserve. I know this sounds crazy, and I should be happy, but for some reason it just feels wrong to me, like it belonged to me before but not now.
At the beginning of the semester I was invited to be part of the Golden Key Honor Society, if any of you know it. And just last week I was invited to be part of an honor society on campus for my English major. Normally this would be a good thing, and my parents are proud of me for having good grades to get stuff like this, but this semester has been different for me and I don't feel like I'm living up to the old student that I was before that earned the grades to be excellent.
My grades are still fine right now, but I find it so hard to focus right now and I don't spend as much time studying as I probably should be. I squeeze by on all of my assignments (times wise) but still get good grades. I don't feel like the studious person I was before and it bothers me. I think I can get back to that person, I just feel like I have to get used to this world now, since my life is different than my previous semesters.
I'm happy that I've been given the chance to be a part of these prestigious groups, I just hope that I'll be able to live up to how they see me. I feel like I'm cheating the system right now, even though I know I'm really not. I've gotten a little better with my school work than I had been a few weeks ago, so I hope that I'll be continuing to make strides to be the student I was before. Time is all it takes.
At the beginning of the semester I was invited to be part of the Golden Key Honor Society, if any of you know it. And just last week I was invited to be part of an honor society on campus for my English major. Normally this would be a good thing, and my parents are proud of me for having good grades to get stuff like this, but this semester has been different for me and I don't feel like I'm living up to the old student that I was before that earned the grades to be excellent.
My grades are still fine right now, but I find it so hard to focus right now and I don't spend as much time studying as I probably should be. I squeeze by on all of my assignments (times wise) but still get good grades. I don't feel like the studious person I was before and it bothers me. I think I can get back to that person, I just feel like I have to get used to this world now, since my life is different than my previous semesters.
I'm happy that I've been given the chance to be a part of these prestigious groups, I just hope that I'll be able to live up to how they see me. I feel like I'm cheating the system right now, even though I know I'm really not. I've gotten a little better with my school work than I had been a few weeks ago, so I hope that I'll be continuing to make strides to be the student I was before. Time is all it takes.
The place where a kid can be a kid
We're all kids inside aren't we? Well travel back to the place where a kid can be a kid: Chuck E Cheese's. It's nice to go back to a time where all I had to think about was what game I wanted to spend my token on or what to buy with my tickets.
My sister took me there on Wednesday for my half birthday. Don't ask me why, but she feels that it is necessary to celebrate your half birthday and she gets mad when no one recognizes it for her. She bought me a sparkling tiara as well to make me feel like a special little girl =)
We figured out that the best way to spend one token is to get your picture taken, where it's sketched out and printed right there for you. We spend at least 20 minutes sitting there taking pictures over and over again. Goofy ones, cute ones, you name it. This was my only worry; having fun with my sister. Which this is not a worry in itself, just a sense that you need to take a trip down memory lane and remember when having fun was the only worry we had. It's funny to think that when we were younger we used to get upset at not having enough time to play outside or having to go to bed early. Now we hardly have enough time to play at all and we wish we had time to sleep.
Chuck E Cheese is a fun place to be. From the food to the games to the picture booth, it truly is a place where a kid can be a kid. Even though we grow up on the outside, there's still going to be the kid part of us inside, although it might not show all the time. But it's good to be a kid sometimes. Who says that growing up has to take the fun out of everything? We make our own lives, so why not unleash the kid inside sometimes, get in the car, and head to the place with the big scary mouse.
My sister took me there on Wednesday for my half birthday. Don't ask me why, but she feels that it is necessary to celebrate your half birthday and she gets mad when no one recognizes it for her. She bought me a sparkling tiara as well to make me feel like a special little girl =)
We figured out that the best way to spend one token is to get your picture taken, where it's sketched out and printed right there for you. We spend at least 20 minutes sitting there taking pictures over and over again. Goofy ones, cute ones, you name it. This was my only worry; having fun with my sister. Which this is not a worry in itself, just a sense that you need to take a trip down memory lane and remember when having fun was the only worry we had. It's funny to think that when we were younger we used to get upset at not having enough time to play outside or having to go to bed early. Now we hardly have enough time to play at all and we wish we had time to sleep.
Chuck E Cheese is a fun place to be. From the food to the games to the picture booth, it truly is a place where a kid can be a kid. Even though we grow up on the outside, there's still going to be the kid part of us inside, although it might not show all the time. But it's good to be a kid sometimes. Who says that growing up has to take the fun out of everything? We make our own lives, so why not unleash the kid inside sometimes, get in the car, and head to the place with the big scary mouse.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Weight
I know it's not a bad thing to lose weight. Most people want to. I normally exercise daily, but now it's become multiple times daily.
I've lost 15 pounds in the last month or so. I used to be over what my weight "should" be. Now I'm under.
Whenever I find time I try to get in my 20 minute run. I also play soccer three times a week so like on Monday I ran twice, played in my soccer game for an hour, then went home and biked.
We have a workout area in my basement so I have easy access to exercise whenever I want to. My dad came downstairs to say goodnight to me and he asked if I was living down there now. To me it seems like a good place to be. It makes me feel good to run, but at the same time I know it's probably not the best thing for me to be doing it this much. Plus I haven't been eating as much, so that's double the trouble.
I don't know how long this workout frenzy will last, but all I know is that I'm using a substantial amount of shampoo washing my hair so much afterward.
I've lost 15 pounds in the last month or so. I used to be over what my weight "should" be. Now I'm under.
Whenever I find time I try to get in my 20 minute run. I also play soccer three times a week so like on Monday I ran twice, played in my soccer game for an hour, then went home and biked.
We have a workout area in my basement so I have easy access to exercise whenever I want to. My dad came downstairs to say goodnight to me and he asked if I was living down there now. To me it seems like a good place to be. It makes me feel good to run, but at the same time I know it's probably not the best thing for me to be doing it this much. Plus I haven't been eating as much, so that's double the trouble.
I don't know how long this workout frenzy will last, but all I know is that I'm using a substantial amount of shampoo washing my hair so much afterward.
I'm honestly sick of worrying. What is the point?
It only adds extra stress into my life that I don't need. Right now, all I need is to be alone.
I need to concentrate on myself because that is the only person I have control over.
I know it's good to be considerate about others, and I'm not saying that I'm ditching everyone because we still need to care about the ones we love, but there are times that you need to focus solely on yourself and make sure that you make it out alive.
This is my way of thinking right now. Think about myself to get through the day. Focus on homework, exercise, and work. This is where I'm at.
It only adds extra stress into my life that I don't need. Right now, all I need is to be alone.
I need to concentrate on myself because that is the only person I have control over.
I know it's good to be considerate about others, and I'm not saying that I'm ditching everyone because we still need to care about the ones we love, but there are times that you need to focus solely on yourself and make sure that you make it out alive.
This is my way of thinking right now. Think about myself to get through the day. Focus on homework, exercise, and work. This is where I'm at.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Just a list..
I worry that people won't know how much they truly mean to me.
I worry that I won't mean the same to someone as they do to me.
I worry that I hold on when I shouldn't, even though I know I'm never gonna let go, so what's the point in worrying about it?
I worry that the closest people to me will slip away because I try to hold on too tightly.
I worry that we, as humans, are too ignorant to face the truth and what's truly best for us.
I worry about those closest to me because I would rather suffer than watch them suffer (even if it might be the hardest thing for me to deal with).
I worry that I will lose you forever.
I worry that I won't make it.
I worry that I won't be the one.
I worry that you're the bigger person than me. I worry that you see that and look down on me.
I worry that you don't know that I look up to you and admire all of your hard work and dedication.
I worry that you don't think I can handle the situation, when I really know that it is somewhat true, but I won't give in that easily. I will handle it, no matter what, even with pain in it.
I worry that you won't see the light that shines from my face when I'm around you.
I worry that I'll scare you away with all of my worrying.
I worry that you don't know that I'm scared of the future as well and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Is that better or worse than you since you know what you're doing?
I worry that I'll never see you in the way I used to see you or how I see you in my dreams.
I, however, don't worry about how I won't feel differently. I've come to terms with these worries and I'm going to live each day with them. They're starting to become a part of me. I might not define myself by this, but these things are always in the back of my mind. I don't worry that you won't have someone to love you because I know I do. I don't worry about you making it, I worry about your struggles on your way to making it. I worry that you'll never see how much you do mean to me, because you're the greatest thing to me. I never worry about that, because I know it to be true.
And here's a picture of a puppy to make it end on a happier note
I worry that I won't mean the same to someone as they do to me.
I worry that I hold on when I shouldn't, even though I know I'm never gonna let go, so what's the point in worrying about it?
I worry that the closest people to me will slip away because I try to hold on too tightly.
I worry that we, as humans, are too ignorant to face the truth and what's truly best for us.
I worry about those closest to me because I would rather suffer than watch them suffer (even if it might be the hardest thing for me to deal with).
I worry that I will lose you forever.
I worry that I won't make it.
I worry that I won't be the one.
I worry that you're the bigger person than me. I worry that you see that and look down on me.
I worry that you don't know that I look up to you and admire all of your hard work and dedication.
I worry that you don't think I can handle the situation, when I really know that it is somewhat true, but I won't give in that easily. I will handle it, no matter what, even with pain in it.
I worry that you won't see the light that shines from my face when I'm around you.
I worry that I'll scare you away with all of my worrying.
I worry that you don't know that I'm scared of the future as well and I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Is that better or worse than you since you know what you're doing?
I worry that I'll never see you in the way I used to see you or how I see you in my dreams.
I, however, don't worry about how I won't feel differently. I've come to terms with these worries and I'm going to live each day with them. They're starting to become a part of me. I might not define myself by this, but these things are always in the back of my mind. I don't worry that you won't have someone to love you because I know I do. I don't worry about you making it, I worry about your struggles on your way to making it. I worry that you'll never see how much you do mean to me, because you're the greatest thing to me. I never worry about that, because I know it to be true.
And here's a picture of a puppy to make it end on a happier note
Friday, October 1, 2010
Sister
Hello =)
This is not necessarily a post on my worries, it is rather what I do to overcome all of the worrying and stressing I do. This is me and my sister at Sephora's. I was having a rough day when this picture was taken, and to cheer me up she took me there and I got a little makeover and then put on those really obnoxious eyelashes. I walked around and the looks I got from people were hysterical. It was a fun night, and I can always count on my sister to make my day better.
Similar to Nancy's "mistress" comment about Savannah and how people wanted her to change it to her sister, I'm not saying Carrie is my mistress (LOL), but the whole point of her paper was to convey that Savannah brought out a part of her that she never knew she had and completed her in a way that nothing else could. This is how I feel about my sister, well my actual sister, flesh and blood. She brings out a part of me that I don't have with anyone else. We're goofy all the time, but we support each other. I don't get to see her that much because we both lead extensively busy lives, but the time we actually get to spend together is always the highlight of my day.
She helps me to work out my stress. When she knows that I'm having a bad day, she takes me somewhere or does something for me to show that life is still fun.
My brother comments on us as being "weird" together, but why is weird a bad thing? He's just jealous of us and our awesome characteristics and ability to have a great time together, right? Even my dad once said that I seemed like a different person around my sister. Not different as I change, but I'm more open and carefree. I joke and bounce around like I'm weightless. I love my sister. She completes a part of me that no one else really can.
I hope that everyone else has someone like this to help them through their rough patches and just be "weird" with. Being goofy isn't all that bad... it's FUN. Let your goofy side in and let some steam out. We all need to.
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